Some experiences are better left undocumented so that we don’t miss the moment, so let’s just leave all the details to unspoken memories of that last time I spent with you.
Dear you,
I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with you that night. Every single moment by your side. Every touch, every glance exchanged and every inside joke shared. But I left that morning with an empty heart. Hopeful even still that you would lie to me and make me believe in the beautiful things you could say to me. But time passes, and you don’t say anything to make me stay. The night was…. A blur….. I can’t find the adjectives. The physical satisfaction was not enough. The connection was lost in translation. You gave me what I wanted when I didn’t even know what I was longing for anymore after so many years. I will never understand why our paths ever crossed. Why I will always have a millimeter of hope for you to be more than just the guy that walked into my life that night I was working as a part time waitress at my aunts restaurant. Maybe its for me to learn to let things go. To be strong enough to let you go.
I don’t know how my life would have been if I had never met you. It would have been different in so many ways. No comparisons would be made. No standards would be set to reach. I am today what you made me become many years ago, from the moment I met you at such a young and naive age.
I don’t want to hold on to this anymore. I want to wash as much of you out and leave a blank slate for me to reinvent myself and create new standards for the people that walk in to my life.
I have longed for you for so long, that now, the worst part of it all, is that you exist more in my head than in actual physicality. Not even you can live up to the person I have so much love for in my head. The you I created in my mind, no one can live up to….let me go, I want to let go.
March 2016
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Note to self: Don’t let ur ideals, or what u think your ideals are, be in the way or distract you from opening your mind to new opportunities. Learning each day. One day at a time.
December 2017
joy.pain.knowledge. 