This letter was sent to someone I cared for and was with for only 3 months. It hurt me that I wasn’t able to defend myself and was not given the benefit of the doubt. That is not something I do to others, and was hoping to be heard. But I wasn’t heard. I never got a response. I guess it all meant nothing for him. As I reread this letter, it still hurts, but I have let go of trying. I can’t force anyone to love me. But I refuse to close my heart. I will keep trying and will always be seeking for the right person that will come in my life and know how to love me. I want to be in a place with a person, where there is reciprocity and emotional security. Where I don’t need to worry that what I say or do can push them away. There are many dynamics to a relationship and I really want to build a strong bond that is not easily broken. I had so much love to give and so much life to live. I want to share it with someone that will appreciate me with respect and loyalty.
Through this space and distance I realized that I have never loved anyone more than you. That is probably why I have been blinded by the hurtful words spoken to me. I now understand where you are coming from and it hurts me to know that you are hurting. Thing is, you are hurting from what people are saying about me. People who don’t know me and have nothing better going on in their life other than talking about mine. Questioning my integrity and my values, and making fun of my failures, when they don’t even care to know where I am coming from, and where I am going. They don’t know how I make my money to pay for my bills nor do they contribute to it. They don’t understand the dynamics of my life in general, yet they find the need to question everything I do. I operate on facts and make conclusions from facts and not stories made up in my head or anyone elses, for that matter.
I wish you would see me for me, and not how these people see me, or how they perceive me. You know me, you have seen me live my life, you have been a part of it, and have also seen me work. I have allowed you into my life and introduced you to the people that are part of it, not for you to judge me, but to understand me better. Yet, it was all used against me, to purposely hurt me. But I know that the attack came from a place of hurt and pain, distracted by words that were spoken to you with malicious intentions. I won’t judge you for that. Just hope you give me an opportunity to clear things up with you so we can both find clarity and closure from this road block.
I want to speak to you please.
I am not in love with you,
I love you for who you are and who you are becoming.-e
joy.pain.knowledge. 