Entrusted vulnerability

Certain situations call for us to take a step back and take a better look at how your life is evolving and progressing. Some situations force us to place boundaries in relationships to better protect us from future disappointments. When all you want is to love and be loved, there is a fine line in the relationship. The extent of vulnerability reciprocated, depends on how far down the root of the relationship is, and how strong of a bond exists. I am a very persistent person and give most people the benefit of the doubt.

I am true to my word, once I offer loyalty and respect, I would expect it in return as well. Vulnerability is not an emotion to take lightly. Its an opportunity for growth where both involved, in any kind of relationship (be it an intimate, romantic or friendship), can learn through the ups and downs of the different circumstances.

You expect that you can be vulnerable with someone and they accept you for who you are without any judgements. The problem is when you realize that everything you said during your most vulnerable moments, is being used against you, to define your worth and value to them. This is the breaking point.

You can no longer tell them about things that upset you, or make you sad, or happy. You go from telling them every little thing that goes on in your heart, expecting no judgements, to being acquaintances where you only speak of absolutely necessary issues, like rent with your roommate, or sign ups for your kids class potluck, for example. “How are you?” “I’m fine” conversations with no substance that become automatic responses instead of honest and sincere conversations, instead of talking about the things that make you “fine” or not. You can no longer be yourself. You have closed off to the one person that you thought had your back. Your circumstances are no longer relevant and is to be kept on an as needed basis.

There can be many people in that category in our lives. Many that know just enough about us and that their judgement do not really matter if they know any more about you. For those people, there is a special place in our hearts to which you can be civil, and put on the “front” necessary just to get by and move on to stay away from any conversation that puts you in a vulnerable position.

True vulnerability is being comfortable with one another, with reciprocity, where you feel safe to be any version of yourself, without the fear of them turning on you or judging you. I had that with someone that I was romantically involved with, where I felt safe to be me, the imperfectly perfect me, that I was excited to share every aspect of my life with, and I was actively involved and interested in theirs. I was genuinely excited about their life and where they were headed. But that ceased once they felt that I no longer served a purpose in their life.

How do I move on from this without closing off and creating walls to the ones that will try to come into my life and actually willingly want to entrust their vulnerability  with me?